How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
