Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
