Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
