You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
