this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
