i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
