You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
