Will you blow on my dice?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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