I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do vagina's smell?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
