Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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