you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
