he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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