also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
