I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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