david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
