She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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