If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
