Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"

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(214): View more from Texas

She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?

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(773): View more from Illinois

we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.

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(631): View more from New York

I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!

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(989): View more from Michigan

Let's get the cat blown out

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(515): View more from Iowa

Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around

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