There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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