So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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