I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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