Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Porn is love you can see.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
