How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i think my tv is drunk
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
