I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
