I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
