Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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