I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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