Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can I color on your dick again?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
