Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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