ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
