K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
