Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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