I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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