As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
