Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
