My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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