I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
