i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
