my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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