I wish I only lived at night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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