Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
