Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
