dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Small penises have feelings too.
honey bunches of taint.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
