the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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