Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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