Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
