He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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