Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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