forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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