So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
