That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
