There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
