Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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