You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
