you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
