very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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