he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
