sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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