And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
