just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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