Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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