Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
