Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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