he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
