At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
