I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
