Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
