She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
