Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
