so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's just like the Real World with babies
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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