Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
