hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
