i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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