whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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