No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
