he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
