I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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