Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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