I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
