She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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