I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
